The Late Pastor Theologian

A sadness crept over my hometown this week as my former pastor The Rev. Dr. Gary Byrkit, who was still serving my home church, died unexpectedly.  The word spread quickly as heart after heart began aching with this creeping sadness.  Congregation members both current and former embraced and wept for their lost leader.

 As I began the process of mourning and grieving the loss of my pastor I was reminded of all of the ministers I have encountered throughout my life and there are many since I worked at the regional office for our church denomination. I found myself grouping ministers.  There was a group for ministers that were evangelically minded, focused on growing the church.  There was a group for ministers that were work-a-holics.  There was a group for ministers that were "Bible Thumpers".  There was a group for ministers that desperately needed some time off.  There was a group for the young, up and coming ministers.  The list went on and on as I thought about all of these people that choose to dedicate their profession to ministering the people of God.

Then there was a group for ministers like Gary...the ministers that I hold in the highest esteem.  These ministers are the elite.  They are pastors, shepherding their flock.  They are evangelists, caring for the community.  They are thoughtful, listening for God's direction.  They are theologians, rooting their ministry in the study of the nature of God.  They are patient, encouraging peace and calmness in turmoil. These ministers embody everything that I hold valuable in the leaders of a church.

After spending time doing this I allowed myself to think specifically of Gary.  I was surprised at how sore my heart was with sorrow.  One of my favorite memories of Gary is of him giving one of his "famous, Conversation with God" sermons.  During these sermons Gary would pull his desk into the sanctuary and pretend to be writing a sermon during which time God's voice, played by a fellow minister or congregation member, would talk to him.  I remember being young and hearing my parents discussing using gender inclusive language in certain aspects of the church worship.  A Sunday morning rolls around, and I walk into the sanctuary shocked to see a desk on the chancel.  Intrigue set in, and I began thinking that something cool might actually happen today. The sermon started with Gary "writing his sermon" and he was asking God some questions.  All of a sudden God answered back, and this time...God was a woman.

I remember Gary standing at the front of the church being presented with a stole on Children's Sabbath.  It was made from the handprints of the children of the church.  I can hear him getting choked up at the realization that his daughter's hand had been placed on the stole so that it would fall over his heart.

I remember walking out of the church every Sunday knowing that my pastor cared about me.  Gary passed the peace almost literally as he placed his large, gentle hand on my shoulder and wished me a good week.  Gary's soul was gentle and nurturing. Gary didn't get wrapped up in the societal changes of the church.  He remained true and authentic to his interpretation of God's desires for the church.  He was thoughtful and patient when he thought those desires might cause some turmoil.  I remember a ministry peer calling him crazy for wanting to make some changes to how ministry was done at my home church and then saying that if it worked however, it could completely change the philosophy of congregational ministry.  It worked.

At Gary's Celebration of Life service today a minister stated that what set Gary apart from the rest was that he was a pastor theologian.  That he both cared for, nurtured, and shepherded as well as studied and discerned the nature of God.  Gary taught by example.

As a minister's wife I say what sets Gary apart from the rest was his dedication to his family.  His day off was Tuesday.  It was his sacred day and people knew not to bother him on his day off.  On Tuesdays, you could find him doing any number of things with his family from breakfast with his wife, to spending a day at church camp with his children. It was refreshing to know that he was not one of the many ministers that chooses the job over the family and refreshing to know that the church respected him more for that choice.

Gary Byrkit will be remembered for years to come.  He became a part of the group of ministers that have set a new standard for ministry.  A standard for service to a congregation.  A standard for love to a family.  A standard for care of one's self.  I hope and pray that as people accept the calling of serving the church that they will be reminded of the Gary Byrkit's in the ministry.  That while in seminary they aren't just taught the lingo of ministry but the true meaning of ministry.

I pray for Gary's family, my home church and all of those that are hurting.  As our tears slowly fade and our hearts slowly mend may we feel Gary's hand on our shoulder again emitting God's peace and strength. Amen.

It Is Time

As the teacher wife of a part time youth minister and mother of two amazing kids, I am always looking for ways to make more money. This year is particularly bad. With a $75 raise in our health insurance for The Rev. and our kids, a $100 student loan payment that must now be made, and two kids wanting to be involved in activities, we are feeling the budget squeeze.

So, as I did 6 years ago when I began coaching, I am beginning another part time job. This time it is something even more out of my comfort zone than coaching sports I've never played. I am an independent Arbonne consultant.  

Network marketing has always terrified me. I've always gone to parties and thought man, I wish I could do that to make some extra cash but there is no way I know enough people. However, the newest regional Vice President has assured me that it is easier than I think.

I am terrified, I am anxious, and I am excited. I am terrified that I will fail, I am anxious about meeting new people, and I am excited that it might actually work.  How crazy would it be if I could actually spend a year of my life at home with my daughter and being my son's home room mom?  Ultimately when I think about my reasons they come down to something much more emotional than needing extra money or schedule conflicts...it all boils down to wanting to spend more time with my children. I've missed so much of their lives with work that my heart aches when I think about the loss.

I having been praying since making this decision that I can at least make enough money to quit the coaching job that takes me away from my babies every afternoon but in all reality I should be praying to make enough money to take time off from teaching to spend it with my kids.

I ask that you might pray for my adventure to go beyond well. Thank you!

Also, if you need any Arbonne products please contact me! ;-) 

Lifelong Friends

Lifelong friends. I read about them, watched movies about them, and gave up on them. I had friends in elementary school that were too cool for me by middle school, friends in middle school that moved away, and friends in high school that proved poor influences until my senior year. By this time my dream of a lifelong friend was gone.

Then I met the man of my dreams...and with him came his lifelong friend, Kit and his then girlfriend Jenn. We hung out together, finished college together. They were the best man at each other's weddings. Jenn and I were pregnant around the same time. We had boys first, girls second. It was what I had imagined...almost.

This week my dream extended a bit farther. I had always imagined dragging the kids on meetings with our families and things being just as awkward as they had been for me as a child when my parents drug us to see old friends. I imagined our kids playing together because there was no one else around but never having a true connection. I have been pleasantly surprised this week.

Kit's mom offered to do a Spanish camp for our boys. Each morning they would play and learn Spanish, have lunch and play some more. The return time became later and later as the week went on until the boys arranged a sleepover. I was so excited for this turn of events. You see my little man isn't always accepted by everyone his age just like most kids and to have the Con-Man, as my son called him, ask me if my son could spend the night almost brought tears to my eyes.  Everything continued throughout the week, sleepover and all and never once was there tension or fighting or spats. My son teared up at the realization that he wouldn't be seeing his friend every day next week as they return home. A similar story came from Jenn about her son. Only promises of getting together pacified the boys...promises that we must keep.

Today we had the culminating fiesta of Spanish camp and I was again amazed that the boys seemed to just click. Our girls likewise just seemed to click, playing tea party and creating music on the piano.

What a perfect day?! The joy I felt all day was almost overwhelming. Then a spontaneous and perfect picture taking opportunity prevented itself. My husband and Kit were sitting on the couch, my Little Man joined in followed quickly by the Con-Man, and the girls.

I was so overwhelmed with emotion. How perfect that two lifelong friends have had children that love each other? How perfect that no matter how long it is between seeing each other, every person in both families picks up like no time has passed at all. My prayer begins, "God help remind us to take time to nurture this relationship that Andy and Kit began, so that no matter what, our children know they are never alone. Amen."

Wonderful Worship

As a Reverend's wife I see everything within a church through different eyes.  I'm a protector. This means that I'm constantly thinking how does this affect my husband and his ability to do his job in a way that is pleasing to The Lord, himself, and his family.  There are a few special times throughout the year though that I am able to be drug out of this place of watchfulness into a place of worship.  Those times come when I watch my husband lead worship.

Leading worship is by far his best spiritual gift.  As he invites the spirit of God to be present among the worshippers you can always feel a shift in the air, a breeze blow across your face, or hear the sounds of nature pause for just a brief moment.  No matter where we are or what resources he has, The Rev. always has the ability to draw us to God's presence. This is the moment where I begin to feel a peacefulness flow over me as if saying, "it's okay to participate...not just watch today."

As he sings songs of praise to God, The Rev. is able to provide a place where people are free and comfortable to sing as they need or want to in praising God.  There are people who will lift their hands the sky or dance around. There are people who will sing extremely loud and off key or clap in rhythm to the beat of some other song.  No one cares. No one judges.  There are people who will have tears streaming down their face because a song has touched them in some way.  There are people that wrap their arms around each other is love, support, and solidarity.  In this moment I am free and my muscles relax and my voice rises to the heavens and heart ceases to be heavy with the sorrows, and pain of this world.

Prayers are said throughout these worship services that are thoughtful and give time for those people worshipping to be thoughtful and pray for their own personal needs.  A message is given that speaks to the hearts of the individuals and provides The Rev. with the chance to speak of Jesus' gospel. A time for him to call people into action, remind people to love others, to be kind to others, and to take care of others.  In this moment I am encouraged and my spirit is renewed...I feel ready to take on the world (or at least start another week of work).

As we come to the time of offering and communion everyone is welcome to gather with him. No one feels ashamed that they may not be able to afford to give monetarily because they know that offering their spiritual gifts is just as valued. Everyone feels the importance and value placed upon communion as they are served and serve others. In this moment we are again brought to a place of community with those around us and the excitement in the air becomes tangible.

Then we are dismissed with song and good words of encouragement so that all are ready to spread God's love in whatever shape that may take throughout the next week.  And we leave with smiles and tears and the overwhelming knowledge that God loves us no matter what we do and no matter how imperfect we feel we are. In this moment I can let go of my perfectionist, OCD obsessions and just be present and happy.

It is a talent...no a gift to be able to know what a room full of people will need from worship and to be able to draw them into the spirit of The Lord.  It is a gift to be able to help people of all backgrounds with many different personal issues and struggles all to a central place of community and love.  It is a gift to feel the emotions in a room and adjust a worship to meet the needs of those in worship.  My husband has this gift and I am overwhelmed with joy and peace every time I get to experience him in his element...in the middle of God's presence. This is one of my favorite things.